3:16 Finale - “You’re Gonna Be An Uncle.”

April 18, 2017

Well. That happened.

Thanks for listening. We love you all.



#47 - Dark Matter / Quantum Physics

December 8, 2016


Never let it be said the The 3:16 Show can't be both entertaining AND educational! It's rarely either of those things, of course, but it can be. The potential's there. Hit the play button above, and a radioactive vial will smash and kill a cat! Or maybe it won't. Or maybe both.



I have no idea how well I managed to explain one of the most baffling aspects of one of the most complicated scientific fields in just over three minutes, but the implications of Wheeler's delayed choice experiment really are as mind-shattering as they sound. Not only that, but this isn't just purely hypothetical science (or hippy-dippy quantum woo); this is an experiment they have actually conducted in the real universe, and the results consistently point towards one conclusion - the distant past of the universe changes the instant a human looks at it.

Makes you wonder what the universe is playing at, really.

Here's the wikipedia entry (see the 'cosmic interferometer' section), or check out this Popular Mechanics article which is about as accessible as you can get with this kind of stuff, which is not at all.

Laters taters,


#46 - Fake News Sites

November 19, 2016

Oh hello! I bet you forgot this show existed. To be fair, so did I. But after another lengthy hiatus, The 3:16 Podcast is back for more bite-sized chunks of audio entertainment, and this time I'm flying solo on a topic that has recently come to the fore: should social media ban satirical news sites? Hit the play button above or Freddie Starr will eat your hamster!

Many years ago I used to write for a fake news site, and it ended up getting a decent amount of traffic. Only problem was, the owner was resting on his laurels and collecting a fair chunk of ad revenue and not paying any of the writers. This got on my nerves, especially when the editorial policy descended to "we'll publish absolutely anything that lands in our inbox", so I did the only logical and sensible thing: I stole an article from The Onion, sent it to them using a random gmail account, and waiting for it to get published without question.

When it did, I then contacted The Onion and was all "hey, these guys are stealing your stuff."

The website in question folded pretty soon after that.



Speaking of less-than-accurate news, this whole thing reminds me of the time that I nearly made it into the Daily Mail with an entirely fabricated story about giant rats. It quickly got WAY out of hand, and I ended up looking a bit silly. Not being able to get into a paper that'll publish any old tosh is fairly pitiful, but it made for one hell of a story. I never get tired of rewatching the above video.

That's all I've got for today. What have you got? Topic suggestions? Good job, old son. Drop them in the comments below.

Until next time,


#45 - Alsatian-Sized Spider VS. Jet Powered Snake

September 16, 2016

We're back once again, dear Sweet Sixteeners, and as usual we're tackling the big issues: would you rather fight a teleporting, alsatian-sized spider or a jet-powered snake? Hit the play button above to sink your fangs into this one.

Schedule continues to be all over the place as I juggle numerous projects, but why not subscribe to the 3:16 YouTube channel? That way you'll get a notification every time a new episode goes up (especially if you turn on email alerts for that channel!)

Let us know which beast you'd rather duel in the comments below, and if you've ever affixed a jet propulsion system to a snake, I definitely want to see photos of that.

Until next time,

#44 - YouTube’s Insane New Guidelines

September 6, 2016

It's the return of the 3:16, and this time your old pal Zeke has brought in a topic of his own: YouTube's baffling, and alarming, new guidelines on how to please the advertiser overlords. Are they a form of censorship? What exactly do they consider to be 'inappropriate'? The guys explore the implications - hit the play button above for some non-offensive, family friendly content!

The gap between shows is down to Jenny delivering the goods with Food Week, and me being busy with... well, nothing really. I just forgot to set my alarm and woke up three weeks late.

I did, however, manage to make a video expanding on today's topic in more detail, unpacking many of the things that we started discussing in this episode. If you want a run-down of how YouTube's new 'advertiser-friendly' policies screw over EVERYONE, perhaps give this a little watch:

We'll catch you next time as we return to listener-suggested topics! Don't forget to support Jenny on her mission to get into space.

#43 - WAR (Zeke’s Mum Returns!)

August 10, 2016

It's the second (and final) featuring the woman who spawned Zeke, recorded after way too much wine at a barbecue! Today we're tackling a pretty huge topic as we discuss war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, but Bev has an inkling that Pikachu could be the secret to world peace. Hit the nuclear launch and/or play button above!

No real show notes today, but a huge thanks once again to my darling mother for joining us. Jenny returns this Friday!

Until next time,

#42 - What’s More Important: The Actor or the Director?

August 6, 2016

Welcome back to the Sellotape Dispenser Show with Zeke and Jenny! After recapping on the exciting new developments in the riveting world of sellotape dispensers, we get on to discussing preferences for choosing films to watch. Lights, camera, play button above!

Thanks to Canadian superstar Timmo Warner for another great topic. Any actors or directors YOU avoid like the plague? Any you'll commit to no matter what? Let your voice be heard in the comments, and keep those great topics a flowin'. 

Here's 15 funny sellotape dispensers. Careful though, you'll laugh yourself dead with that lot. Comedy gold.

Until next time,
Zeke & Jenny

P.s: I absolutely love the copy in that tape dispenser article and want to hug whoever wrote it. "An incredible breakthrough tape dispenser technology that will surly [sic] and permanently change the lives of people who frequently use tape dispensers. The Tape dispenser has got unique blades which help in cutting tapes in a straight line."

#41 - Which Retro Game Would YOU Reboot?

August 3, 2016

We're chatting video games on today's tiny podcast as regular topic-suggestee Carol asks a corker of a question: if you could reboot a retro video game, which would it be? Press left, right, left, start, select then the play button above (while holding R1+R2.)

Admit it. You know you'd love a modern version of Pong.

Keep those awesome topic suggestions coming (there are some splendid ones coming up) and be sure to subscribe to the most click-baity podcast channel on Youtube!

Until next time,

#40 - C3P0’s Genitals vs. Chewbacca’s Face

July 30, 2016

Jenny's back in the zone and faced with one of the most pressing dilemmas of our time: would you rather have C3P0's genitals (whatever that means) or Chewbacca's face? We duke it out and explore the implications on episode four-oh of the three-one-six - Artoo says that the probability of you hitting the play button above is 751 to 1.

Here's that trading card I mentioned:

Jenny went off and found a Snopes entry on it, but I'm still baffled at the explanation that it's just an unfortunate case of lighting and timing. I also tracked someone down who said they brought it up to Anthony Daniels in person during a Q&A, and he said the same thing. Seriously, it doesn't explain either this card or how the hell it made it to the public without someone along the production line going "hang on, are we really rolling with the golden boner card?"

And the sellotape holder Jen then found:

The mind boggles.

Thanks to returning champ KB for dreaming up this utter madness. Got a 'would you rather?' you'd like to pitch for a future episode? Get down to the comments with ye!

Until next time,

#39 - Special Guest: Zeke’s Mother!

July 27, 2016

Zeke being intoxicated isn't unique to this podcast, but today's very special guest is! Join mother and son as we settle down after a whole day of drinking to discuss whether or not the entire world being made out of food would be a good thing - if you don't hit the play button above, you'll get grounded for a week.

Many thanks to me for today's brilliant topic, and an even bigger thanks to my mum for giving birth to me, patiently putting up with my crap for three decades, then letting me come round this afternoon to eat all her food before insisting she joins me on a podcast. 

You guys only have to put up with me for about 10 minutes a week. She's had to put up with me for 32 years.

That's not just great parenting, it's sainthood.


Go follow my mum online. She's not on Twitter or Youtube or Snapchat or whatever, but she does have a Grindr account. That was the result of a very huge, confusing mistake.

Jenny returns next episode for regular programming. 

Until next time,
Zeke & Beverley